Q: What responsibility does a wife have for her husband's safety if he is falling and she leaves him alone all the time?
My father is 91, remarried to a woman who is 75, but she never moved in to his house. They have been married for about 15 years. She visits most days to have lunch with him. He is falling or losing his balance frequently. I worry that if he falls and injures himself or falls outside, he will bleed/freeze to death. I live in another state and visit 2 or 3 times each year, but can't convince him to move closer to me. He insists he doesn't need to move and he is still driving in Dallas (with balance issues and macular degeneration). I had his license revoked anonymously, but he somehow got it back. I am very worried about him. She doesn't seem to think the driving or falling is a problem.
A:
You can call the DMV and request a retest.
You can call the local Area Agency on Aging and the Y to find out about fall prevention classes and talk to your father about taking them. There are also fall prevention and balance videos available online.
You can visit and help your father decrease the likelihood of falls by improving lighting, rearranging furniture, removing throw rugs and wires on which he might trip.
You can talk to your father about moving into an assisted living facility (if he can afford it: VA Aid and Assistance will pay for this; Medicaid will not) or getting a part-time companion (if he can afford it or if he needs part-time nursing or therapy and his doctor will prescribe it, getting some assistance from the VA, Medicare or Medicaid.)
You can talk to your father about wearing an alarm pendant or bracelet which will alert a service when he falls.
You can tell yourself that even if his wife -- or you -- lived with your father, this would not prevent him from falling when, for example, he got up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.
But if you father and his wife have amiably occupied separate residences for 15 years, you can hardly charge her with neglect, whenever he may fall.
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