Q: Chances of gaining custody of daughter despite her preference to live with negligent father?

A: Your chances of gaining custody of your daughter will depend on several factors.

If the behavior you described happened during a physical separation, his behavior will be evidence that you will want to present at your hearing. If that behavior happened when you were together, the court is going to want to know why you didn't stop it, or protect her.

In any custody matter, the Court makes a decision based on the "best interest of the child"; that means that the court compares the behavior of both parents. In general, courts believe that past behavior predicts future behavior. In addition to showing that he has behaved badly, you will need to show that efforts you took to minimize your daughter's exposure to that behavior. In other words, while he was doing these things, where were you and what were you doing about it.

In general, the minor child does not get the right to determine who has custody of her. The court recognizes that children can sometimes make poor decisions; however the desire of the child IS one factor that the court will consider. Many judges will not interview a child, regardless of age. Usually, when a parent wants the judge to know the desire of the child, that parent will ask the court to appoint a guardian ad litem [GAL]. The GAL does not represent either parent or the child. The GAL is a kind of helper to the judge, investigating the relationships and interactions of the parties and child. The GAL then makes a report to the judge, and sometimes the judge asks for their recommendation. If a GAL is appointed in your case, you will be best served to cooperate with the GAL to the best of your ability.

The court will also be very interested in your child "making a gun threat on a bus". Be ready to explain anything you have done regarding her acting out.

Your best strategy will be to have an experienced attorney to help you present your evidence at the hearing. Although you have gathered a lot of evidence, you will also need to know all of the court rules, especially evidentiary rules, to get the court to CONSIDER the evidence, testimony and documentation that you have.

A: At 14, your daughter’s preference will be considered by the court, but it is not the deciding factor. Judges always place the child’s best interests above their stated wishes, especially when there is strong evidence of neglect, lack of supervision, and risks to her safety or education. Missing 75 days of school, failing classes, and making a gun threat are serious red flags that will weigh heavily against her father if he has been the primary caretaker during those issues.

The evidence you’ve gathered—paid bills, proof of neglect, witness statements, and detailed visitation and custody plans—will show the court that you are prepared and committed to providing structure and stability. Your daughter’s father being absent during important times and leaving her unsupervised in unsafe situations will likely work in your favor. Courts look for consistency, accountability, and the ability to meet a child’s educational and emotional needs, and you can demonstrate that you meet those standards.

While your daughter may prefer the leniency she has with her father, the judge will likely see that her well-being is being jeopardized. By showing that you can provide the stability, supervision, and care she needs—supported by documentation—you have a strong chance of being awarded custody. The court may also order counseling or services to help your daughter adjust, but the priority will be protecting her health, safety, and future.