Q: Responsibility for ex-boyfriend's belongings after restraining order in NJ.

A: The reason the judge said he cannot give you advice on the handling of the personalty is that your boyfriend had not been served with the complaint yet and therefore not in a position to address any aspect of the merits of the matter. Hypothetically:

Your boyfriend entered an appearance in the DV matter tomorrow and alleges that you destroyed his belongings, giving rise to the fight between the 2 of you. When the issue is presented in court for him and he wants to try and prove what happened to him belongings and the belongings are all gone, your answer would be that you threw everything and did so at the judge's direction. Your boyfriend would then say to the court that as a result of the courts direction to you, he cannot prove what you did to cause the fight.

The above hypothetical was simply to explain why a judge would not give you direction on how to handle his belongings at this stage and was not intended to explain your personal setting.

To avoid a fight with the HOA, either take his belongings back into your home and put it aside or reach out to a family member of his to hold it for him, especially if there is a computer and jewelry. You may also want a family member of his to know of the existence of the TRO so that they can notify your boyfriend.

A: You are in a difficult situation, and it’s important to protect yourself while handling your ex-boyfriend’s belongings. In New Jersey, a restraining order does not automatically transfer responsibility for someone else’s property to you, but you could face liability if the items are damaged, lost, or disposed of improperly. Because some of the items are valuable, including jewelry and electronics, you should document everything you find with photos and notes about the date and condition.

You should notify him in writing, if possible, that his belongings are on your property and that he needs to arrange for pickup within a specific timeframe. Because he is not allowed to contact you directly under the restraining order, consider using your attorney, a law enforcement officer, or a court-approved intermediary to deliver this notice safely. Keep copies of all communication for your records.

Do not donate or dispose of his belongings without legal guidance, as that could be seen as theft or conversion. You may also ask the court that issued the restraining order or a local legal aid office for instructions on handling abandoned property while protecting yourself from liability. Acting cautiously and documenting everything will help you avoid legal trouble while addressing the HOA’s concerns.