Q: Does my exs attorney have to share all information they have about me with me before we go to court?

A: The strange part of your question is that one would assume you already know about any information that there is that concerns you and your life I think what you want to know is whether they have discovered something that you thought was a secret?

There is a process called discovery where you can request copies of any documents (documents being used in the broadest sense to include any form of recording information, like voice messages, emails, social media, photos, etc.) that is reasonable related to the legal issues of the case or could lead to information related to the case. The discovery process is not set up such that someone can easily do this without an attorney. You probably will need to at least consult with an attorney and discuss your concerns and find out what if any discovery methods you might need to use. The better way to do this is to take the other side's deposition which is testimony under oath done prior to any trial or hearing. Then you, or preferable your attorney, and pin them down to whatever it is they are going to say and this gives you a chance to prepare your defense. The process can be costly though.

As a practical matter you should assume that your ex and their attorney have accessed and review all public records which would include your driving history with DMV, any police reports involving you, and all court records for all criminal or civil cases you have been a party to.

As a practical matter you can also assume that the family law judge you are going to be appearing in front of is not going to want to listen to evidence that doesn't relate to the care, safety, and overall welfare of your child. So the fact that you participate in adult consensual activities when your child is safely being cared for in another location by a responsible adult is really none of your ex's business and the judge won't want to hear about it. Family law judges sit through literally thousands of family law cases and they quickly lose tolerance for useless mud slinging. They want to here what is relevant to you being a good parent and the child have the best outcome growing up. They also want to determine whether the other parent should be given parenting time and if so, how much. About the only reason to shift custody at this point would be that you have something that happened that involved children's services or the police, or something else that raises serious concerns about your parenting skills. (The court will also consider whether or not you have obstructed the father's efforts to see the child, although this would be mitigated if you have legitimate concerns for the child's safety.

You really need to consult with a lawyer well in advance of any hearing and make sure you have a good idea what is going on and what you need to do, even if you can't afford to retain a lawyer to represent you at the hearing.