Q: My son calls me by my suffix and his mothers boyfriend dad. What can I do to remedy this?
I have a custody order originating from Oregon. She took him to Arizona without proper notification. It's a long distance parenting plan, but Oregon has jurisdiction.
We had a very contentious custody battle, and it's been difficult since the order was set in place. Her boyfriend has custody of his two sons who refer to her by her first name, but my son calls him Dad. Before she took him away he always called me dad, but now it appears he's forbidden to do so. He even slips at times and tries to correct himself if he refers to me as dad.
The custody order states in section 3. Paragraph l. Name Identifiers. Neither parent shall at any time for any reason cause the child to be known or identified or designated by any surname other than "Alexander". Neither parent shall initiate or cause the designation of "father" or "mother" or their equivalents to be used by the child with reference to any person other than their natural mother and father.
A: Your circumstances are not uncommon but unfortunately there is no ideal solution unless both parents and stepparent are willing and able to allow the child to maintain a healthy relationship with all the adults. If you've already had a contentious custody battle, you probably know that the court will try to foster each parent's relationship with the child. That is difficult to do when the parents are mistrustful of each other and one or the other parent undermines the court order. I would recommend that you have an attorney review your entire judgment and the circumstances of mother's move to AZ, and then decide your best course of action. In the meantime, focus on what you can do to improve/maintain your relationship with your son, rather than the label he uses.
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