Q: My girlfriend is planing on not taking her 15 year old daughter back to her ex husband where she has lived for 6 mos.

A: First, the answer depends on what the existing court order states. Second, if there was an agreement that modifies the court order, that agreement should be in writing and state how long the change is supposed to last. Third, if Mother has legal custody of the child in a court order, she cannot be charged with any crime for not returning the child to father. Fourth, if the 15 y.o. wants to go live with her father and that choice is based upon mature considerations appropriate for a child of her age, mother may need a reality check because that is likely to happen if the matter winds up in court. Fifth, children don't get to decide where they live until they are 18, but as they mature, wise parents and judges will take into account the considered preferences of the child. Sixth, daughter may not want to live with Mother if she totally disregards the child's wishes. Seventh, if child wants to resume living with Mother after the temporary stay with Father, then she should be allowed to do so, and it is up to Father whether he wants to file a motion to change parenting time.

A: The last court order on file is what is the legal order that the parties should follow. If the last court ordered parenting time plan isn't working the parties need to go back to court and amend it. Informal agreements that aren't ordered by the court aren't going to be enforced by the court but the court will be concerned that a parent said one thing and did another. That may reflect on what the court orders next in terms of amending the plan. Just remember that joint custody in Oregon will only happen if the parties agree to it and get along. Once things go south the court will terminate the joint custody and create one parent has having custody. That may or may not change the amount of parenting time that is going on now because we don't know what the current deal is. But sooner or later the father will be entitled to have parenting time with daughter so mom can't keep daughter forever. I recommend that the parties try to work out a plan with a neutral counselor or mediator. Ultimatly both parents are going to be the pawns of a teenager who really wants to stay with the parent that give the teenager the most freedom - and that isn't necessarily good for the teenager. So to put it bluntly, if both parent want to avoid having a pregant 15 year old teenage daughter they better put down their battle gear and form an alliance.

A: The last court order on file is what is the legal order that the parties should follow. If the last court ordered parenting time plan isn't working the parties need to go back to court and amend it. Informal agreements that aren't ordered by the court aren't going to be enforced by the court but the court will be concerned that a parent said one thing and did another. That may reflect on what the court orders next in terms of amending the plan. Just remember that joint custody in Oregon will only happen if the parties agree to it and get along. Once things go south the court will terminate the joint custody and create one parent has having custody. That may or may not change the amount of parenting time that is going on now because we don't know what the current deal is. But sooner or later the father will be entitled to have parenting time with daughter so mom can't keep daughter forever. I recommend that the parties try to work out a plan with a neutral counselor or mediator. Ultimately both parents are going to be the pawns of a teenager who really wants to stay with the parent that give the teenager the most freedom - and that isn't necessarily good for the teenager. So to put it bluntly, if both parent want to avoid having a pregnant 15 year old teenage daughter they better put down their battle gear and form an alliance.