Sandy, OR asked in Family Law for Oregon

Q: What are legitimate reasons to deny parenting time in Oregon?

I have a court order that establishes my parenting time. My Ex is claiming that our son (age 9) is "not comfortable" at my home. She is not allowing me time with our son, and claims her lawyer has told her that it is legal to do so for the child's comfort. What are valid, defensible in court reasons that my parenting time with my son could be denied? The is no physical or sexual abuse, no alcohol or drug use. The normal people in my house during the time he has been to my house has been myself and his step-mom.

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2 Lawyer Answers
Joanne Reisman
Joanne Reisman
Answered
  • Portland, OR
  • Licensed in Oregon

A: Just saying your son isn't comfortable isn't sufficient to withhold court ordered parenting time. But if there is more to it, you might want to work with the mother and your son to fix whatever needs to be fixed if there is an identifiable reason capable of fixing. But sometimes a young child will just say things for whatever reason - they may feel coached by the other parent to say what pleases the other parent and the other parent may not be doing this deliberately. So don't get all upset about it as that will only make it worse for your son and the mother. Sometimes children are just having emotional issues that adults don't understand. It may be time to attend family counseling which means your son gets a counselor and as appropriate you and mom attend the sessions. The counselor will let you know when your presence is needed. This would give your son a chance to talk to a neutral person about his feelings. If you find out that there is something in your home environment that is effecting your son emotionally, do what you can to alleviate the problem. This may mean planning some one on one father - son outings where step mom isn't included.

So your legal remedy is to file a motion with the court to enforce parenting time. (Oregon Courts have forms on line and at the court house that you can use.) Tell the court about any missed parenting dates and the reasons you were given. Ask the court to order some make up time. No telling what the court will do but the court is likely to explain to mom that she has to make sure the visits happen and not let the 9 year old dictate whether he goes to visit with you or not.

The practical remedy is to set up family counseling. I would do that as well as filing with the court and tell the court that you have either set this up or you offered to do this and mother turned you down.

It wouldn't hurt to have an attorney representing you in all this, so I recommend getting an attorney to assist.

Vincent J. Bernabei
Vincent J. Bernabei
Answered
  • Beaverton, OR
  • Licensed in Oregon

A: There are only two reasons for not complying with a court order: 1. There is a newer court order that modifies the earlier court order. 2. Both parents agree to a change to the court order. Agreements between parents to change parenting time should be in writing to avoid misunderstandings. Absent 1 or 2 above, both parents must comply with a court order until it is modified. You should file a motion to enforce your parenting time. If you don't assert your rights, and if you go more than 90 days without seeing your son or seeing him on a limited basis only, then the court could impose that schedule on an interim basis until the actual court hearing is held. Most courts require mediation before the actual hearing on your motion. You should also communicate with your son and try to reassure him that you and his mother love him, and speak positively about, and do not say anything negative about his mother under any circumstance.

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