Q: Is the mother allowed to take away a form of communication the father provides and pays for?
Or can a mother continue to harass her 13 year old when asked multiple times to leave her alone, or stop touching her?
The mother took the phone provided by the teens father for a way to communicate, this being the second time, and the mother took it away yet again before her daughter made it into the house. Afterward she belittled her daughter and used the phone as an excuse to control the daughter, using the dad against daughter and vise versa. The mother “calmly” belittles the daughter, and tries to twist the father against her daughter which didn’t work, but further harming the daughter. The mother has sole custody but the father has joint legal custody, yet he has not had a say in anything. Is there anything we can do to speed up the process of getting his daughters? Both 11, and 13 year old girls called crying and begging him for help, threatening to run away and the 13 year old threatening to hurt herself, which we stopped. They need out of that abusive home soon :(
A:
Writer - you are writing third person like you are the father's girlfriend and not the father. This issue is between the father and the mother - all other people should stay out of this and let the two of them figure out how to best parent their children. If the court needs to be involved to clarify the rules, then this matter should go back to court. There is no such thing as both sole custody and joint legal custody existing at the same time. It is one or the other. But regardless of which custody arrangement exists, when the daughters are with mom, it's moms time. There should not be a dedicated phone that the girls can use to call dad any time. Mother is right in taking away the phone. Instead of a constant line of communication with father while the girls are with the mother, there should be a set time everyday for a phone call with father where mother is not allowed to eavesdrop.
Now this does not mean that mother's behavior is acceptable if mother is being abusive. I can't tell if that is the case. It could also be true that mom is at her wit's end because father is interfering with her parenting time and father trying to control the girls when they are with their mother. If abuse is suspected there is an abuse hotline that should be called to report it: http://www.oregon.gov/DHS/CHILDREN/CHILD-ABUSE/Pages/Reporting-Numbers.aspx
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