Q: My 12 year old son's mother had him evaluated for depression without my consent. Do I have any legal recourse?
He is a very happy child who is 2 grades ahead in math, in the highest level orchestra at his middle school as a 7th grader, involved in leadership programs and tutors children at the elementary school. He has a general excitement for school and learning that is much higher than any other kids I know. Surely higher than I had at his age. He is excited to start working as a babysitter soon and is involved in school sports. His mom has a history with depression and claims that he shows signs of depression. She is not a medical professional. She never once talked to me about it and now there is notes on his medical history that says he is at risk of depression. She was taking him in for a sports physical and he brought up that he sometimes gets an upset stomach. His mother then told the doctor, in front of him, that she thinks he is depressed. The doctor then subsequently had him fill out a depression questionnaire. I feel that this is traumatizing for a child who is legitimately happy.
A:
Assuming that the mother has full custody or joint custody, it is OK for her to seek medical advice and it sounds like it was the doctors idea that your son fill out the questionnaire.
Depression is a very serious illness and can lead to suicide and other problems and it can be due to a biochemical imbalance in the brain that can be hereditary. I would support the mother's decision to get proper medical advice and I would add the neither you nor the mother are medical professionals so neither of you should make that determination. Finding out whether or not your son has a hereditary predisposition to depression is completely appropriate.
I would also point out that exhibiting negative feelings about what the mother is doing in front of your son will have the unwanted effect of making your son feel like he can't discuss his feelings openly and honestly with you. The last thing you want to do is make your son feel like he needs to side with your view point to win your love and approval at the risk of hiding a real problem that he may have. Children will show their parents what the parents want to see, not what is really going on. Depressed people can fake being happy.
If I were you I would educate myself about what depression is, what is isn't and what signs to look for. I would suggest reading about it, watching documentaries, and talking to a professional privately. Your son doesn't have to know what you are doing. I would also work hard to separate your feelings as a parent who wants to have a perfect child and your job as a parent which is to spot problems your child may have and both guide your child and support your child to have the best life possible despite not being perfect.
A: PS middle school when children start to deal with puberty and hormones would probably be a time when depression miht manifest. I know for girls there are a lot of mood swings when hormones kick in. I suspect that something similar can happen for boys. I wouldn't ignore this.
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