Q: My parenting agreement says I am to have my daughter 27% of the time, where as I’ve had her for 70%. Can I change it?
Almost 2 years ago when I got divorced from my ex a parenting agreement was made so we have joint custody of my 3 year old daughter. The parenting agreement states that I am to have her up to 27% of the time. I pay child support and have had my daughter consistently for over 70% of the time within the past two years. Now that my ex has remarried she is withdrawing the additional time spent with my daughter. I would like to modify the parenting agreement to reflect the consistency of how I’ve been in her life up to this point. The mother uses empty threats to get her way. It has worked for her in the passed 4 marriages. Honestly I feel intimidated because she has gotten her way every time. Is it possible for me to do to modify the agreement to reflect at least 50% visitation? My daughter is my number one priority and I have been documenting every visit explaining in detail what we do together through my emails to prove dates.
A:
Assuming this is an Oregon case, Oregon courts will not order joint custody. To get something like the 70% you have had you would have to file to get custody and given that you have parented more than 50% of the time you might actually have a shot at getting custody.
The Oregon Court may instead continue custody with the mother but based on your extensive contact with the child, increase your percentage of parenting time. The reality however is that time with a child can't be cut up into percentages as a solution. The actual life style of the child needs to be considered and that inevitably is what creates the limitations.
The courts tend to favor that the child is primarily living with one parent during the week when school is in session. You child is still pretty young but is probably in some type of preschool and will be starting kindergarten in the not so distant future. Giving custody to one parent when school is in session creates stability for the child so the child can focus on school and school activities. Having to pack a suitcase and go back and forth to different house to sleep and truck home work around is just insane for a young child. So when push comes to shove, the parents are going to have to agree on where the child will live when school is in session. You might as well work that into your plan now because your child is going to grow up quickly and school will be a priority in her life.
Go and talk to a lawyer. Having a private conversation with a lawyer should help you and your lawyer develop a proposed plan that gives you as much time as possible while creating a more stable home base for your child with one parent that will ease the transition into school. There are often creative solutions, such as you could spend the day time with your daughter, picking her up after preschool and then bringing her home to her mom's house for the night. There could be a shift to give you more parenting time during the summer months and when your daughter is older and in school, giving you lost of time during school holidays.
Of course you could try to get custody. You need to ask yourself if you really thing severely reducing the time your 3 year old has with her mother is the best for your child? Most young girls have a very strong bond with their mothers and as much as their fathers are important in their lives, that bond with their mothers needs to be maintained. A custody battle could also be very expensive involving hiring experts and having a custody study done. You could end up spending money that could have been saved to put your daughter through college some day.
What is probably the best solution is to talk to an attorney, come up with a proposed parenting plan, and file to either modify custody or implement your proposed parenting plan. When faced with that choice I think the mother will agree to your parenting plan or some modified version of it. Of course, if you could just propose something without filing in court, that would be ideal. Maybe your lawyer can assist with this type of informal negotiation.
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