Q: My daughters bio father has been absent since June of 2009, she tried to contact him 3 years ago that lasted a few weeks
And was filled with empty promises, he stated to me in a message that once I told her the truth about everything he would see her (he just stopped seeing her but states it's my fault) He also hasn't paid child support during this time. My husband wants to adopt her ( has cared for her for over 6 yrs now) can I use the owed child support (we established he would pay me directly not the child support department but hasnt since 2009 ) to say please sign over your rights so my husband can adopt and I'll waive the back child support and if not then I will pursue for the $22,100 that is owed?
A:
First of all child support and failure to participate in a child's life are two different things. You should have been aggressively pursing the child support through the child support division. They don't charge anything to go after child support.
Second, you can hire an attorney to file for a step parent adoption without getting the biological father's permission. You just will show that he hasn't been in the child's life and odds are he won't contest it because the step parent adoption will cancel out any future child support obligation. Also if he contests it you might get a shot at asking him about his current finances and that might lead to collecting the child support he already owes.
I just don't think you need to negotiate at this point. Just hire an attorney to file the step parent adoption papers and see what happens. You could negotiate later but I don't think you will have to. Canceling out future child support is a pretty good incentive.
Alternatively, you could wait until your daughter is 18 then she can consent to the adoption and bio dad isn't involved.
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