Q: So if there is no custody order in place can I go pick my 13 yr old up from her dads without his permission
If you are the biological mother and there is no custody order concerning your daughter, then you presently have the same legal rights to your daughter as her biological father. Legally, you don't need his permission to have physical custody of your daughter.
But it sounds like trouble brewing, honestly. If parents can't voluntarily agree on who's going to have your daughter and when, a custody determination should be made by the court - and I suggest you start looking into that.
Best of luck to you.
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