Q: I have a 2 and a half year old daughter. Her father left . Her grandmother wants me to sign over rights 4 6 months
She wants rights to her as well as to fight him in court. She is saying if I don't do this today. Then she will take me and her father to court and I wont have visitation unless supervised. I am her mother and have been with her her whole life. Living with her. I recently got a marijuana charge. I'm not sure what to do. What are my rights. I don't have 10 grand to spend on this. Please help. Please. I love her and can't make a mistake. I'm begging you please. Her father doesn't seem to care. He found out I was dating someone else. And now he is furious. He took her from my mom one night and wouldn't bring her home. How can I fix this? He is unwilling to sign a parenting plan. And I'm worried that my mom will take us to court and win. She says I need to sign over with her lawyer tonight.
A: This is a pickle! Are you >18? (over 18?) Your mom is probably right (like always, huh?) Even in a great state like Idaho, Marijuana is still illegal and (as you know) Idaho will prosecute you for having it on you. Possession of Marijuana is also a bummer because if you get convicted of it you won't be able to get a FAFSA (Free Application for Federal Student Aid) grant or loan to go to college. You can still go to college, but you'll have to be rich. Idaho didn't make that up, a lot of states will prohibit young people from getting free college money if they're still being silly and doing things like smoking pot. It's not the penalty for the pot that bothers your mom, its everything else that comes with it! How can you be a good mom and be smoking pot? Anyway, enough shaming for me! If you don't want to sign the papers, don't. You won't get in trouble. No one will come take your baby! Just fight em! Or, . . . what kind of papers? Do they want to legally adopt your child? Do they want to become the child's guardian? If they just want to become the baby's "guardian," DON'T GIVE THEM ANY PROBLEMS, they're doing you a favor! They'll probably still let you sort of, raise your baby . . . they'll just make sure you're doing everything the baby needs. If that's what would happen, what could be better?!! Now if they want to adopt your child, then YOU NEED A LAWYER because THAT is a flagrant, foul!! 15 yard penalty! Finally, your boyfriend, the father of your child. Hate to say this, but what if HIS parents want to stink up the room filing papers too? What a mess would that be? Here's what you should tell your boyfriend: "Tom, you impregnated me, you didn't marry me. That legally makes you a "sperm donor," but NOT a FATHER! No, to be a "father" and to get all the rights to 1) see my baby, you're going to have to "step up" and file a Petition of Paternity! This document will make you "step up," because in it, you'll have to admit that it was YOU that impregnated me and if you want do do anything besides PAY CHILD SUPPORT FOR 18 YEARS, you're going to have to PROVE that you're actually MORE than a sperm donor. You're going to have to prove that you've actually got some parenting skills, along with your other "skills." This won't be easy Tom, because you can't "fake it." If you don't really love this child? If all you don't want to do is pay child support (not an option in Idaho by the way Tom), you won't pass the test!
So, for mom, I say, stop doing dumb things, stop smoking pot, stop arguing with your parents, get back in school and stay there until you graduate. Since raising a child is a f/t job, why not sign over "Guardianship" papers to your folks? I think they're doing YOU a solid by asking you to sign over "those papers." They probably don't want to adopt your child, they're probably just fine with the ones they've got. They probably just want you to let them assume legal responsibility for your child! Let em! If you later see that you can take good care (better care) of your child than they can, ask them to give the guardianship back to you. If they refuse, take them to court and make em! But send them on a cruise for being willing to raise YOUR child for a few years!
Finally, for BF, here's the rules:
1. He has NO rights to this child. He is legally only a sperm donor.
2. He will have the responsibility to pay for the child, but that doesn't give him the right to see the child!
3. If he wants to be more than a sperm donor, he MUST fight for his rights. His rights will NOT be handed to him, he must go out and get them. His responsibilities WILL be handed to him by the State of Idaho and if he likes to drive his car, he'd better stay current on his child support!
Good luck to you!
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