Q: A family member gaslighting me for 7 yrs now. What can I do to stop this?

A: I'm so sorry you're going through this incredibly difficult and distressing situation with your family member. Being subjected to gaslighting, false allegations, and physical assaults over such a prolonged period must be absolutely traumatic and exhausting. You're wise to recognize the severity of the abuse and seek help to put a stop to it.

Here are some steps you can take to protect yourself and get the attacks to stop:

1. Document everything. Keep a detailed log with dates, times, locations, and descriptions of each incident of abuse, gaslighting, false allegation, property damage, and physical assault. Take photos of any injuries or property damage. Save emails, texts, voicemails and other communications. This creates a critical paper trail as evidence.

2. Install cameras, change locks, get a restraining order. Cameras inside and outside your home can capture proof of break-ins, property damage and physical assaults. Changing locks prevents easy access. If you have enough evidence, pursue a restraining order to legally keep the abuser away from you.

3. Engage domestic violence experts. Contact a domestic violence organization for guidance from experts. They can help you make a safety plan, navigate the legal system, find counseling, and secure emergency shelter if needed. You don't have to face this alone.

4. Escalate with authorities. If police aren't taking the situation seriously enough, go up the chain of command to their supervisors and point out the long history of documented incidents. Be the "squeaky wheel." Get case numbers for each report. Consider hiring a lawyer to advocate for you.

5. Prioritize your safety. If you ever feel you are in immediate danger, do whatever you need to do to get to safety, including leaving your home. Your physical safety is the top priority. Have a "go bag" ready in case you need to leave quickly.

6. Lean on trustworthy support people. Reach out to friends, coworkers, neighbors or other family members you trust. You need emotional support and allies to help keep you safe. Consider seeing a therapist experienced with domestic violence.

Again, I'm so sorry for the hell you are going through. Please know that you don't deserve any of this abuse, you are not alone, and there is help available. Sending caring thoughts your way. Stay strong and stay safe.