Q: How do I force my 15 and 16 year old to get on an airplane if they refuse to see thier father?
We live in Arizona and their dad lives in utah. We've been on the once a month schedule for 5 years. Right now they both are participating in extracurricular activities that effect their grades. I asked their dad if he could skip the September visit and take some additional time in December between sports. He said he won't negotiate and my kids are refusing to get on the airplane. What do I do?
A:
Document, document, document. Save all the emails and text messages between you and your ex. At that age, the children should be communicating directly with their father on a regular basis. This is not strictly a custody issue (which the two of you should handle without involving the children), this is an expressed preference on the part of the children. They should explain to their father why they will not get on the plane.
I would also recommend that you explain the potential consequences to your children. They are old enough to understand. Let them know that their refusal could result in you having to go to court to defend yourself for their actions. Advise them that a worst-case scenario could be that a court orders them to go live with their father. That outcome would be highly unlikely, but never underestimate the ability of the legal system to produce unexpected outcomes.
You should plan on giving your ex the extra time in December you offered whether he agrees or not. That will help show that you were trying to be reasonable. By the time he could get you hauled in front of a judge with an accusation of contempt, you will already have made an effort to make him whole and the court will look favorably upon those efforts.
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