Q: My ex is staying that I own her child care and medical expenses from 2017 to 2019. They never said anything until now
She has never given me a bill or documentation to say other wise. She just sent me a message and the amount and dates and said I need to give her the money. Can I refuse to pay
It depends on what is in the court Order. Most of the time parties have 30 days after an expense is incurred to provide notice to the party who is supposed to reimburse them. The reimbursing party then has 30 days to pay. If you have received notice of the bills, it is unlikely she can force you to pay at this point.
If they were legitimate expenses for your children's child care and health care, the right thing to do would be to reimburse your ex on some kind of payment plan. Ethically you should pay her, legally you probably will not be ordered to do so.
Again, I have not reviewed your Order, so I am going to stick with "probably."
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