Raleigh, NC asked in Divorce and Family Law for Kentucky

Q: Would the husband of a remarried woman with kids still be considered a "paramour" legally?

My girlfriend and I are considering marriage. There is a clause in her divorce stating she may not have overnights with a paramour while the kids are around. After marriage, would I (her then husband) still be considered a paramour?

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2 Lawyer Answers

A: There are two generally accepted definitions of a paramour, neither of which would apply if you marry your girlfriend.

One definition--occasionally used in family law situations--is the illicit romantic or sexual partner of a married individual. Sometimes, in divorce proceedings, a divorce court will prohibit a spouse from having a paramour present at night when the spouse has possession of her children during the pendency of a divorce proceeding.

A second, less common definition is a person with whom you are having a romantic or sexual relationship but are not married to. Because of constitutionally protected right of association, it is uncommon for divorce courts to use this definition because it extends beyond the termination of the marriage relationship and is, therefore, likely unenforceable unless the divorcing spouses agree to it, and divorcing spouses have zero incentive to agree to such a provision.

Because the word "paramour" has an illicit or secret connotation, most courts won't use that particular word in their orders. The preferred phraseology is "unrelated member of the opposite sex." That is less vague and eliminates arguments over whether someone is "just a friend" or over whether someone is a "secret lover" or openly her boyfriend.

But in any case, if you marry her, there is essentially no valid argument that you are her paramour.

Timothy Denison agrees with this answer

1 user found this answer helpful

Timothy Denison
Timothy Denison
  • Louisville, KY
  • Licensed in Kentucky

A: No. If you marry her, you are no longer a paramour.

1 user found this answer helpful

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