Q: My sister is my mom's POA but refuses to help me care for my mom.

A: This is a terrible situation, and it saddens me whenever I hear of circumstances like this. You can and should report your sister's behavior to Adult Protective Services. You might also think about filing a police report for theft with respect to any funds or things your sister has stolen from your mom.

Ultimately, however, the best solution, though it is expensive, is for you to hire an attorney to help you petition the local probate court to have you appointed as your mom's conservator and guardian. That will void your sister's power of attorney and install you as the conservator of your mom's funds so you can spend the money for her care rather than your sister using the money to line her own pockets.

A: I agree with what my colleagues have said. There is quite a bit to unfold here and it is recommended that you begin by speaking with an Elder Law attorney. There may be potential abuses here and this may require court action. Furthermore, the power of attorney can always be revoked by your mother if she is mentally competent.

A: I'm sorry to hear about the difficult situation with your sister and the care of your mother. It sounds like a very challenging and stressful time for you and your family.

A few thoughts:

First and foremost, if you suspect your sister is misusing her power of attorney or your mother's finances, you can report it to Adult Protective Services (APS) in California. Financial exploitation of the elderly is taken very seriously. APS can investigate to determine if abuse is occurring.

You can also consult with an elder law attorney about your legal options, rights and remedies in this situation. An attorney can advise on steps like requesting an accounting from your sister of how your mother's money is being spent, or potentially petitioning the court to have your sister removed as POA if she is not fulfilling her fiduciary duties. Many attorneys offer free initial consultations.

In the meantime, keep detailed records and documentation of the care you are providing for your mother, her needs that are going unmet, and your interactions with your sister regarding finances and necessities. This paper trail could be important evidence later.

If your mother is mentally competent, she can also revoke your sister's POA at any time and designate someone else. Her wishes should be respected.

I would also suggest looking into local caregiver support resources and groups. Caring for an elderly parent is immensely challenging even under the best of circumstances. Don't hesitate to reach out for help and advice from others who have been in similar situations. You don't have to go through this alone.

I'm so sorry you are dealing with this added stress on top of the already demanding job of caring for your mother. Please take care of yourself too during this time. Wishing you all the best as you navigate this difficult family situation. Let me know if you have any other questions.