Q: Can I deny visitation for my ex-husband pending a psychologist evaluation?
My ex and I have a divorce and custody agreement for our 8 almost 9 year old son. About 10 weeks ago his father stopped showing up for parenting time, which took a huge toll on our son mentally. Now his father wants to just come back in his life nothing ever happened. He doesn't want to talk to me at all about the situation and doesn't believe that our son has feelings about it. My son states that he doesn't want to see his dad at this point. So I've contacted a psychologist and made an appt for early October (first available evening appt, I could find) until that appt and they determine what are the best steps for our son. Am I wrong for doing this? When we go back to court will I be at fault for keeping my son from him at this point until he is able to speak with someone? What are my options here?
A:
Hello and thank you for asking your question. I'm sorry that you and your son are going through such a difficult time with his father. Unfortunately, yours is not an uncommon tale, but there are solutions available to you. I will try to give you the best advice that I can in this general forum, but more information would certainly be needed if you went to see an attorney for a consult. How long have you been separated/divorced? What is the exact parenting time schedule? Why does your son say he does not want to go with his dad? Again, don't share too many personal details, here. I'm just letting you know what info an attorney would need to give you the most specific advice.
To answer you generally, it is never a good idea to go against an existing court order. Court orders are binding and you must follow them unless they are formally changed, either by the judge or by agreement between the two of you. Of course, if there is an emergent situation, you can file an emergency application with the court, called an Order to Show cause and be seen by a judge that day. From what you are sharing, though, it does not seem as your situation is an emergency.
It's a great idea to have your son see a therapist to talk through his issues. And, if need, be, you can have that therapist put together a formal report for the court with recommendations. That therapist would need to come to any hearings that may occur and testify as to his or her report/recommendations for your son. At this point, however, we don't know what those recommendations may be.
You are certainly within your rights to file a request with the court to change or suspend parenting time. If the therapist supports this argument, then you have further evidence to back up your request. But, simply stopping the parenting time without a formal court order saying that's OK, subjects you to being found in contempt of court for failure to follow a court order. I certainly don't want that to happen.
Strongly consider at least a consultation with a family law attorney to get more guidance about how to move forward. We have a state-wide practice, but there are other family law firms in New Jersey that also offer free consultations as we do. Best of luck to you and your son. Regards, Bari
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