Pennsville, NJ asked in Family Law and Domestic Violence for New Jersey

Q: ExGF put fake TRO to evict me with accusations that are her own actions and I have tons of solid proof I am the victim.

My exGF has Borderline Personality Disorder and is violent, damages property, throws objects, hits/shoves/suicidal. My ex-GF assaulted me on 08/22/2021 and 12/15/2021. 1st was dismissed at my request but open again due to the second charge. Before 12/15/2021 I was cut off financially after she helped due to a back injury, and told me I needed to find somewhere else to go. ExGF illegally moved a friend who is not on the lease and the landlord has given 30 days to have her go or an eviction. Both want me gone. Christmas Eve after I called cops due to my ex getting aggressive, she and her friend told cops I wanted to hurt myself which resulted in an involuntary visit to ER where I got let go. I get home and my ex starts more confrontation, I ask her to leave me alone, she shouts/curses and calls cops and I get a TRO on me saying she is afraid I'll hurt her. Her friend told me my ex would drop it if I get off the lease. Is this bargaining legal in a TRO, with all already said?

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3 Lawyer Answers
Leonard R. Boyer
Leonard R. Boyer
Answered
  • Clifton, NJ
  • Licensed in New Jersey

A: Your question is not one that is easily resolved. You really need to have an in person consultation with an experienced matrimonial attorney, who has extensive domestic violence trial experience. This could have grave consequences and should not be taken for granted. During this pandemic, you have a choice of either seeing your attorney in person or by way of a secure state of the art Zoom Video Conference. So you don’t have to be restricted by geography anymore in terms of choosing an attorney. You can “Meet” your attorney online for an initial strategy session from the comfort of your own home. Through mail, e-mail and electronic filing almost everything can be done without leaving your home, for most types of cases. Pick the best attorney you can find and remember one rule: a good attorney is generally never cheap, and a cheap attorney is generally never good so don't choose based on price.

Richard Diamond
Richard Diamond
Answered
  • Domestic Violence Lawyer
  • Millburn, NJ
  • Licensed in New Jersey

A: Based on the level of conflict in existence between you and your ex, it clearly is an unhealthy setting for both of you. As to your friend's advice, I have no clue whether your ex will drop the DV complaint or press on with it, but since you cannot communicate with her or anyone connected to her, how would you use the lease setting as leverage? If anything, it may make better sense to file your own DV complaint against her based on the information relayed above so that the judge has all of the pertinent details in place when deciding whether to grant a final restraining order to one or both of you. My concern is that by doing nothing, you will end up appearing before the court on the return date and she will testify as to your threats and potentially get a final restraining order against you based on harassment alone. Most importantly, you need to sit down with an experienced family law attorney with specific domestic violence trial experience to better understand the applicable law and the proofs each side will need to present at trial.

Bari Weinberger
Bari Weinberger
Answered
  • Domestic Violence Lawyer
  • Parsippany, NJ
  • Licensed in New Jersey

A: Thank you for your question. We understand how frustrated you must feel in this situation. Navigating through a domestic violence hearing can feel overwhelming. There are times that agreements can be reached with the Plaintiff, known as civil restraints, that would allow her dismiss the pending complaint. Under no circumstances should you contact the Plaintiff nor have another third person do so on your behalf. More information would be needed from you to be able to properly provide you with feedback. Given the circumstances as you have articulated them, I would strongly recommend that you contact an experienced domestic violence attorney that would be able to specifically guide you.

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