Hoffman, NJ asked in Family Law and Child Custody for New Jersey

Q: my daughters dad has told her on at least 2 occasions to lie to me. I have written proof. Is this parental alienation?

My daughter just turned 10. My relationship with her dad lasted 12 years and it was toxic and I was abused by him. He was a pathelogical liar. Well now he is coaching my daughter to lie and I have written proof for 2 incidents. My daughter is now lying so bad it is hurting me to see. Her dad is lying to me as well. Her Dad is completely uncooperative and is not sharing her medical and dental providers information with me. He wont share information about her extracurricular activities, not listing me as emergency contact, and I am having alot of problems with communicating with my daughter etc. He is treating her like a piece of property (my prior attorney saw it). My daughter lying constantly is not like her. I see such a change in her. I feel alienated from her and being treated as though I am not her mother. How can I prove parental alienation?

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2 Lawyer Answers
Teresa L. Reichek
Teresa L. Reichek
Answered
  • Divorce Lawyer
  • Mount Laurel, NJ
  • Licensed in New Jersey

A: Thank you for your question. It sounds like it is very stressful not to have much decision making in your child's life. Proving parental alienation is a complex, and largely undefined endeavor. It sounds like you might want to make a motion to change parenting time or custody. That process might involve hiring a custody expert who would do evaluations of both parties and interview the child,.

The best thing you can do is consult with an experienced family law attorney. You will receive guidance and advice tailored to your specific situation. You can also go over all the options and potential outcomes. That way you can make an informed decisions as to how you want to move forward.

Richard Diamond
Richard Diamond
Answered
  • Divorce Lawyer
  • Millburn, NJ
  • Licensed in New Jersey

A: The difference between alienation type behavior and estrangement type behavior has to do with the reaction of the other parent to the setting. You believe that your ex is willfully assisting in driving the wedge between you and your daughter. Yet, if you file an application with the court, your ex will simply claim that the issues outstanding are caused by your / your actions. So... my suggestion is that you write a series of text messages to your ex (politely and in a positive way) identifying your concerns about your daughter's negative actions towards you (do not accuse her of being a liar or acting like him) and asking him to cooperate with your intent to retain a reunification therapist for you and your daughter to assist in rebuilding your relationship. Presuming you are correct about your ex, then he will reject your request for assistance. I would then take your text messages and his response to an experienced family law attorney to discuss the filing of an application with the court for the appointment of a reunification therapist for you and your daughter and you then get to use his refusal to cooperate to assist the court in understanding his role in this setting.

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