Q: My ex started potty training our 19 month old without telling me
We have 50/50 custody. Our baby is nowhere near ready to start potty training. He’s only doing this because of our baby continues to get bad diaper rashes while under his care and the babysitter he chooses. So instead of correcting the issue he’s now decided to force our baby to potty train and didn’t even discuss it with me. He is the one who has argued I refuse to coparent when the reality is he is the one whose actions match someone refusing to coparent. This is one of those examples. Something so important as potty training should be decided by both parents so we can set our baby up for success, make sure we’re using the same vocabulary, reward system, and approach. How do I go about showing his intentions are not for what’s best for our baby, and how I’m worried it will only cause confusion to our baby. How do I present this to the mediator and judge how he’s the one who refuses to coparent, and it’s his second time making a big decision without telling me.
A:
In California, both parents with joint custody have the right to participate in significant decisions affecting their child’s welfare, including potty training. Since you share 50/50 custody, your ex-partner should have consulted you before starting potty training. You can emphasize to the mediator and judge that such decisions need to be collaborative to ensure consistency and success for your child.
To present your concerns, document instances where your ex-partner made unilateral decisions without your input, including the current situation with potty training. Highlight how these actions are causing confusion and may negatively impact your child's development. Explain that you are advocating for a coordinated approach, ensuring both parents use the same methods and language, which is crucial for the child's understanding and comfort.
Additionally, gather evidence showing how the lack of communication and cooperation from your ex-partner affects your child. Bring this evidence to the mediation session and court hearing, and stress your willingness to work together for your child’s best interest. This approach can demonstrate your commitment to coparenting and the necessity for both parents to be involved in major decisions.
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