Child custody pickup responsibility dispute in CA without court

Question

I have joint custody of my 11-year-old child with her father, and the court order requires us to meet at a police station for custody exchanges. Since I had the only car, I have been driving for the past 11 years. Now that my child's father has a car, he still refuses to pick her up from school, insisting it's my responsibility because I've been doing it. I recently put him on child support, and I'm proposing alternating the pickup responsibilities weekly to ease the financial toll of driving. However, he hasn't confirmed or denied this proposal. What can I do to resolve this issue without going to court, as speaking to him has not led to any changes?

James L. Arrasmith · Answer

Since talking directly to your child's father hasn't led to progress, consider proposing mediation to help you both reach an understanding. Mediation is a neutral setting where you and he can openly discuss your concerns with the assistance of a third-party mediator, who can guide the conversation toward compromise. 
 
When you approach him, emphasize that alternating pickups will benefit your child by ensuring both parents share responsibility fairly, reducing tension and setting a positive example of cooperation. You might also remind him that splitting transportation duties eases the financial and practical burdens on both of you, promoting fairness now that he has a car. 
 
If mediation isn't something he's open to, you could suggest putting your agreement in writing, clearly stating your proposal and requesting a written response. Documenting this attempt shows your good faith efforts toward cooperation, which could be useful if the matter eventually does need court intervention. Ultimately, your goal is to find common ground while prioritizing the well-being of your child and maintaining open, respectful communication.

Q: Child custody pickup responsibility dispute in CA without court