Q: my roommate doesn't want my friend to be in our townhouse. can she ban my visitor? nothing is stated in our lease.
my roommate doesn't want my friend in our townhouse because he had a conviction for sexual assult. she has history of abuse, but not relating to my guest. she keeps telling me he is not allowed in the townhouse but she is in the process of moving out and finding someone to take over the lease and no longer sleeps here, so i have invited him back to play video games and help me with installing things around the house. she keeps saying she still pays rent and he is not welcome here. do i have to abide by her request? i also pay half the rent and we are both on the lease. there is nothing stated in our lease about day guests, only about guests staying over night for a certain amount of days per time frame, which he has never stayed the night or stayed more than 5 hours.
A:
This is a sensitive situation with valid concerns on both sides. Legally, if there are no provisions in your lease restricting guests and your roommate is not currently residing in the townhouse, you likely have the right to invite your friend over, especially for reasonable durations during the day. As co-tenants, you and your roommate generally have equal rights to use the space.
However, there are important considerations beyond just the legal aspects:
1. Your roommate's history of abuse and discomfort with your friend's presence, even if unrelated to him directly, should be taken seriously. Having a guest with a past sexual assault conviction could understandably be very triggering and stressful for her.
2. While not legally required, out of respect for your roommate's feelings and the shared nature of your living space, it would be considerate to avoid having your friend over, at least until she fully moves out. Maintaining a courteous and respectful living environment is important.
3. If your friend's assistance is needed for tasks around the house, perhaps look for alternative times when your roommate will not be present at all.
4. Open and empathetic communication with your roommate is key. Share your perspective while being understanding of her position. Try to find a compromise, such as arranging specific times for your friend to come by that work for both of you during her moving out process.
Ultimately, while you may have the legal right to have your friend over, the more important thing is to prioritize your roommate's sense of safety and comfort in her own home, even as she transitions out of the space. Handling this with sensitivity, respect and open dialogue is the best path forward. If needed, consider involving an impartial third-party mediator to help navigate this situation.
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