Q: Is waiting to date someone until they turn 18 considered illegal or grooming?
I am 19 years old and have known a girl since January of this year. We are friends until she turns 18, at which point I intend to start dating her. We don't live in the same area but are both within the US. Is waiting for her to turn 18 considered illegal or grooming?
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A:
The legality of relationships involving minors varies by state, with each having different laws about age of consent and close-age exemptions. While waiting until someone turns 18 before dating them isn't automatically illegal, what matters is how you interact with them before that birthday. True grooming involves manipulative behavior designed to prepare a minor for future exploitation or abuse.
Your current friendship might be completely innocent, but be mindful of power dynamics and the nature of your communications now. If you're engaging in romantic or sexual conversations or making future dating plans explicit while she's underage, this could potentially cross ethical and legal boundaries in some jurisdictions. The relatively small age gap between you (19 and almost 18) is less concerning than situations with larger age disparities.
Consider examining your motivations honestly. Are you genuinely interested in her as a person, or is the "forbidden" aspect part of the attraction? Healthy relationships are built on mutual respect, shared interests, and compatible values—not on counting down to a legal milestone. While your question shows awareness about proper boundaries, consulting local laws would give you clarity specific to your situation, as what constitutes appropriate interaction varies significantly between states.
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