Q: Is it legal for my ex to prevent visitation with our children despite my sobriety and compliance with child support?

A: If your current custody order gives your ex full discretion over visitation, then unfortunately, she has the legal ability to allow or deny visits—unless that discretion is being abused or not serving the children's best interests. The law doesn’t automatically punish her for withholding visitation if there's no specific schedule outlined in the court order. However, if she is denying access without valid reasons and you’ve made significant progress like staying sober and paying child support, you have strong grounds to request a change.

Your best next step is to file a petition to modify the custody or visitation order. You can ask the court to put a specific visitation schedule in place so that it’s no longer just up to your ex’s discretion. Iowa courts look closely at changes in circumstances, and your sobriety and consistency in support payments can show the court that you're committed to being involved in your children’s lives. The text messages where she denies you visitation could also support your case.

Don’t wait too long—family courts want to see parents taking initiative when something isn't working. File as soon as you can, and gather any documentation that proves your progress and efforts to maintain a relationship with your kids. This can be a difficult road, but taking legal steps now could help rebuild that connection with your children in a more stable, enforceable way. You're doing the right thing by asking questions and getting ready to act.