I doubt the court will intervene to modify custody or find the father in contempt. The children’s welfare is not at stake for lack of bathing and brushing their teeth, although I understand the situation is concerning.
Difficult to give a definitive answer without examining the settlement agreement. If it states unequivocally that neithr party can claim any interest in the other's retirement fund, then you do not have a claim and he is not obliged to list you as a beneficiary. Consult with a family law attorney.
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